Really just posting this so I have it published somewhere other than a random Facebook post 8 months ago.
Deadpool in the MCU needs to be the only time they use “fuck” in a movie. But it needs a good setup…
Opening of the movie
Deadpool at Disneyland, mickey mouse ears on, ice cream in his hand, talking to the audience.
“Hey there true believers! Can you believe it? I’m part of THIS (gestures to mickey mouse) club now! I know what you’re thinking though, a PG-13 movie with me? The Merc with the mouth?
How’s that gonna work? Why did I agree to it? Well, in a word – money. Lots of money. Like Scarface-mountain-of-cocaine money. Graft-my-face-onto-hugh-jackmans-body money.
The only fly in the ointment is that we only get to use the f-word once. Just once. In XYZ minutes. And let me tell you, they did it perfectly. I won’t tell you when or where it happens, it’s a surprise. Like Rey is a Palpatine.
Now i’m going to go tickle the guy in the Kylo Ren costume with MY lightsabers.” (draws swords, they glow like lightsabers)
(turns back to camera) “Pretty bitchin’, right?”
So when does “Fuck” come in?
During an intense action shoot-out, a random helmeted bad guy is firing an automatic weapon, and goes to reload. He drops the clip.
The action freezes. Camera switches to Deadpool, wide-eyed.
Stares at the camera.
“Did he just say (bleep)? Bleep?! Did I just say “bleep?” No. No no no no no no. Goddamnit NO! He stole my bleeping bleep! I can’t believe this one-off, no-name, completely USELESS piece of shit grunt (the grunt takes off his helmet, it’s Chris Evans. He winks.) stole my bleeping bleep. Bleep Bleeping Horse Bleep Bleep Mother Bleep God Bleeping Bleeping Barbara Streisand Bleep!
“Time Heist this, mother bleeper.”
Deadpool cuts off his head.